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This movie contains one spoiler (not earth shattering). If at any time in your life you think you might want to watch Catch & Release AKA The Worst Movie Ever, I recommend not reading this particular review.

I really, really struggled for a quote from this movie to put in the subject line. I came up with nothing. This is the synopsis of this movie from IMDB: “A woman struggles to accept the death of her fiancé and the secrets he kept from her as she rebuilds her life.”

This could possibly be my least favorite movie of all time. It starts out with Jennifer Garner looking not pretty at her fiance’s funeral. She goes and sits in the bathtub where the guy that she ultimately ends up with in the movie (despite every other male character in the movie being a much better catch–including the overweight comic relief who OD’s and comes up with quotes for teabags for a living) bangs a waitress on the bathroom vanity.

So why do I own it? Well, as unfortunate as it is, it came as one of those double feature movies. I got it for free, watched it once about a year ago, and never gave it a second thought. Had I had the foresight to know this blog was going to be happening, I might have tossed it, but I didn’t. And now this review has to happen. Sorry readers.

My problems with this movie are as follows (not comprehensive–at all):

• Jennifer Garner is not pretty in this movie. I believe her to be pretty in real life probably, but she looks mannish and her upper lip is too huge to believe that there were three men in love with her at the time of her fiance’s death. (As a side note, this is my problem any time Hilary Swank plays anyone’s love interest at any time.)
• The one really good guy in the movie did not finish last. He didn’t finish at all. He is just taken advantage throughout the entire movie and then disappears in a flurry of good deeds and heartbreak at the end.
• All of the characters in the movie were flat. You didn’t believe the funny one was very funny. You didn’t believe the ladies man was charming or attractive. Jennifer Garner’s character has one random outburst at a dinner party to make you think she has personality. For the record, she does not.

There are a couple things I do like about this movie.

Actually, I take that back.

There are a couple things I do not hate about this movie:

I do not hate the character I mentioned above, the overdosing, overweight fella who provides the movie’s comic relief. Most of his lines are contrived and his acting pretty much blows, but the only time I cracked a smile during the entire movie was when he would throw a “sir” into every day conversation. (As in, “I’m sorry I overdosed, sir, but I just miss him, sir.”)

I do not hate the setting for this movie. I think if I saw one more movie set in New York City I was going to scream. This movie is set in Colorado. Colorado. Methinks this is unprecedented in the history of movies.

This review is boring me almost as much as this movie did last night. Peace out, sir.

I love dew.

So we were face with a difficult decision this evening. We could have watched one of the few VCR movies we have in really crappy staticky quality or say… that until one of our adoring blog fans donates us a fully functioning VCR, we were going to wait until the end of the list to watch them.  So here is the result, we skipped Bootmen until we either get gifted a VCR or find one for cheap on KSL.

Brother Bear.

Not bad for a generic Disney movie. Basic outline of the movie in one sentence. You ready? Are you sure? Ok well here goes. Guy gets a bum deal at his “you’re a man now” party, gets pissy, runs off, and becomes one with himself and nature. Please notice the proper use of the oxford comma before the word and.

So basically there’s this dude who has a party because he’s no longer pubescent and in his tribe it’s time to reveal what his totem spirit is. While waiting and obviously hoping for something manly and cool he’s revealed as the love totem. No that wasn’t his or my nickname in high school. Yeah his totem spirit is love and it’s represented as a bear.

Could they get anymore cheesy? Why don’t they just paint a rainbow on the little wood carving’s chest? I do understand why he’d be annoyed though. How would this be? “Hey! You’re a man now! By the way, I, as the wisest person in the village, have to tell you in front of everyone that the nature spirits told me you’re destined to be a care bear.” Kind of a crappy situation.

Anyway, dude goes off in a huff and gets in trouble for leaving food where a bear can get it and trouble happens. He then goes to seek revenge and lo and behold, more trouble happens. So to teach this ridiculous little twerp a lesson the spirit gods decide to turn him into a bear. Yeah, right, that’ll teach him. Hey you were a whiny little bum so we’re going to make you one of the most fearsome predators in the northern forest. Oh by the way, we’re also going to force a little bear to follow you and annoy the poopy out of you.

All in all it wasn’t that bad. I mean it’s better than getting a kick to the junk, am I right? Eh? No? Ok I guess I went a little too far with that joke there. Anyway, I give it 3 stars because I am a full grown adult and Disney cartoons don’t quite do it for me like they used to. So there you have it. If you do watch it, watch the movie normal the first time and then go through and watch it again with the moose commentaries. Those guys are hilarious! “You know I could tell you how many left hands and how many right hands there were if I was rain man eh.” Oh man that’s classic.

It’s tired in here so I’m going to put the Brittany to bed and hit the road to my house and sleep myself away. Goodnight interweb!

BEFORE: Movie snack of the night--IKEA meatballs. Yum?

AFTER: Imagine our surprise when Steve was transformed into his true totem: A bear!

AFTER: We were not surprised even a little bit to discover Brittany's totem transformed her into a very lazy sloth.