The hairy one could speak.

The Gods Must Be Crazy

Well this is one for the record books. Most ridiculous movie ever.

Filmed in South Africa this particular movie follows the journey of a tiny little Bushman for the first half and then goes into some silly story involving a clumsy white guy and some hot smarty pants.

so there’s this tribe in the middle of the savanna. They live happily until the arrival of the evil thing. At least that’s what they call it. It’s really a coke bottle. They have never seen one before so they use it for everything but being a vessel for a tasty carbonated beverage. Or any kind of beverage for that matter.

I can’t remember the name of the main character but he take the task upon himself to go to the edge of the earth and toss it off into oblivion. While he’s out travelling he runs into this clumsy white guy.

Enter side story. Clumsy white guy is a smart fella who collects poop. He has a mechanic friend who has like 7 wives. none of which he lives with. H was asked why and he said “I know how to marry them, not live with them.” Kind of funny. Moving on! White guy get assigned by the local priest to go to this town and fetch hot smarty pants. He arrives in his piece of hud car and picks her. She arrives at her teaching station and white guy goes off to collect more poop.

The plot thickens. A terrorist group comes by and kidnaps her and all of the students and they walk for like forever and a day. White guy so happens to stumble upon them and saves the day.

Little bush guy has a part in these shenanigans and helps and goes to the end of the earth and throws away the evil thing. Woot! Way to go little bush guy! We knew you could dispose of the evil menace known as coke bottle.

The end. I would like to sign off in the language that little bush guy spoke so here goes. Wish me luck.  Click cluck clickity cluck click cluckity cluck cluck. Clukity clickity cluck click click “The Golden Compass”. Click cluck click clickity click cluck!

Sea monkey has my money.

Finding Nemo

Alright. I realize that we haven’t done any updates on here for a while now. Life as newly weds is a little crazy.

I like this movie even though it is intended for children. The artistry is magnetic. You feel drawn to watch it. The brilliant colors and great story line make it hard to turn away.

So here’s how it goes down. A Clown fish named Marlin loses his wife and all but one of his children because of that freaking food chain thing. Fast forward to now and his son, Nemo, is a little tike with a gimpy fin and Marlin is an over-protective  father. Kid gets captured by a scuba diver and the plot begins. Marlin, who is afraid of basically everything, loses all his inhibitions and immediately gives chase on the boat that the divers left in.

In his travels he sees all sorts of things and animals in which he never would have been in contact with other wise. He finds a friend named Dory, who is voiced by the hilarious Ellen Degeneres, and they search high and low for Nemo.

While his Father is in search of the little guy, Nemo is in the scuba diver’s fish tank which he has in the dentist’s office where he works. Nemo meets the other fish in the tank and makes friends with all of them almost instantly. These fish have no desire to be in the tank, which is to be expected. They’ve been trying to escape for a very long time. They use Nemo to try to obtain the goal and he almost dies.

Dad meets a surf bum Sea Turtle. They find each other, the end.  There is more to it than that but you should watch it to find out.

I give this movie 2 thumbs and a heart warming experience up. It’s a gooder and you all should watch it.

Tune in next time for our next movie which I can’t remember what is. Have a good whatever time of day it is when you read this world.

No it’s not quack. It’s more like queck.

Duck

Suckiest movie of all time. I have never been subjected to such idiocies in all my life. War of the Worlds came close, but this one wins.

So here is what I think is the dialogue between the film makers must have sounded like.

“Hey let’s get an old actor that hasn’t done anything in a long time and make a duck love him.”

“Let’s also make him love the duck.”

“Oh that’s good! Now let’s make him homeless.”

“OK!!”

“Now what do we do? That took like 10 minutes.”

“I don’t know. Let’s not pay attention to the time of year and put them in weird situations.”

“Alright.”

“Hey is this movie going to suck?”

“More than likely but who the heck cares? We got water! I mean we’ve got money to waste!”

“Yay wasting money!”

This seriously sucked. All of the possible endearing feelings that could have possibly been felt were felt in the first 10 minutes. The rest of the movie felt like a train wreck. I LOATHED it.

Here’s what happened during the movie. Photo montage of old man’s life. In this you learn that he got married and had a son that died in 1979. His wife then dies and as her final wish he goes and plants a tree net to the tree that they, he and his wife, had planted when his son died. So when he does that a ducklings imprints on him. He then raises the duck in his tub. gets evicted for not paying his rent and takes the duck with him. Then, as I observed, the legion of worst actors ever (including French Stuart) are hired to make the rest of the movie. He then goes to rehab, saves a little girl from being lost on a golf course, convinces a man to not commit suicide, gets harassed by recycling center workers, harassed by pond drainers, finds a blind friend, goes to a Halloween party and makes to the beach, all with the duck in tow.

Yeah you guessed it. I wanted to die. Now comes the next movie, Emma. I’m not too enthused about it but I don’t have to review it.

I love dew.

So we were face with a difficult decision this evening. We could have watched one of the few VCR movies we have in really crappy staticky quality or say… that until one of our adoring blog fans donates us a fully functioning VCR, we were going to wait until the end of the list to watch them.  So here is the result, we skipped Bootmen until we either get gifted a VCR or find one for cheap on KSL.

Brother Bear.

Not bad for a generic Disney movie. Basic outline of the movie in one sentence. You ready? Are you sure? Ok well here goes. Guy gets a bum deal at his “you’re a man now” party, gets pissy, runs off, and becomes one with himself and nature. Please notice the proper use of the oxford comma before the word and.

So basically there’s this dude who has a party because he’s no longer pubescent and in his tribe it’s time to reveal what his totem spirit is. While waiting and obviously hoping for something manly and cool he’s revealed as the love totem. No that wasn’t his or my nickname in high school. Yeah his totem spirit is love and it’s represented as a bear.

Could they get anymore cheesy? Why don’t they just paint a rainbow on the little wood carving’s chest? I do understand why he’d be annoyed though. How would this be? “Hey! You’re a man now! By the way, I, as the wisest person in the village, have to tell you in front of everyone that the nature spirits told me you’re destined to be a care bear.” Kind of a crappy situation.

Anyway, dude goes off in a huff and gets in trouble for leaving food where a bear can get it and trouble happens. He then goes to seek revenge and lo and behold, more trouble happens. So to teach this ridiculous little twerp a lesson the spirit gods decide to turn him into a bear. Yeah, right, that’ll teach him. Hey you were a whiny little bum so we’re going to make you one of the most fearsome predators in the northern forest. Oh by the way, we’re also going to force a little bear to follow you and annoy the poopy out of you.

All in all it wasn’t that bad. I mean it’s better than getting a kick to the junk, am I right? Eh? No? Ok I guess I went a little too far with that joke there. Anyway, I give it 3 stars because I am a full grown adult and Disney cartoons don’t quite do it for me like they used to. So there you have it. If you do watch it, watch the movie normal the first time and then go through and watch it again with the moose commentaries. Those guys are hilarious! “You know I could tell you how many left hands and how many right hands there were if I was rain man eh.” Oh man that’s classic.

It’s tired in here so I’m going to put the Brittany to bed and hit the road to my house and sleep myself away. Goodnight interweb!

BEFORE: Movie snack of the night--IKEA meatballs. Yum?

AFTER: Imagine our surprise when Steve was transformed into his true totem: A bear!

AFTER: We were not surprised even a little bit to discover Brittany's totem transformed her into a very lazy sloth.